Why does he keep playing with something he shouldn’t (like the tv remote, the radio, the artwork on the walls) even though he knows better?

Any adults assume that an infant or young toddler “knows better” because he looks ashamed when he is scolded.  Looking ashamed shows only that the child understands that he has earned your disapproval, not that he has done something wrong.  You may also notice that he may look proud when praised for doing something right.  This is because he knows that he is approved of for that behavior at that moment.  It will take patience, repetition, and lots of practice before he can understand that rules are the same over time and apply to many situations.  Oh, you mean I still can’t push the buttons on the radio, just like yesterday (or five minutes ago)?

Why does she look at me and smile when she is doing something wrong?

With consistent, predictable routines, a child hears and sees limits and rules many times.  With sensitive guidance, she has tested the rule many times, and now understands what the rule is.  When she looks at you while breaking the rule, she is showing you that she knows the rule, and is checking to see whether the rule will be enforced.  She will do this many times as well! 

Because she has little self-control, she needs you to be consistent in setting and reinforcing established rules and limits.  Calmly and consistently state rules, and then following up by physically, yet gently, enforcing the rule.  Remember that infants and young toddlers have a hard time controlling their bodies, so she may need your help.  Young children have an inner struggle with their own independence.  She wants to please you, but she also wants to discover who she is by testing the limits of her own power.

Why does she walk away from the table with food?

Infants and young toddlers may not understand the reasons behind many rules that exist.  For example, she doesn’t know that it is unsafe or unsanitary to carry food or drinks around with her.  She may be too young to know why she needs to sit to eat, but she needs to experience this as a rule.  She needs to see and hear this rule many times, and she needs to test the rule again and again to fully understand it. 

When we teach and reinforce rules gently and calmly, we can help children to internalize them.  Babies have very little self-control.  They naturally act on thoughts and feelings without the ability to stop themselves.  I want to climb the climber and it doesn’t matter that I am in the middle of snack!  With sensitive guidance, verbal reminders, and gentle physical redirection from parents and caregivers, they can begin to learn to manage their actions on their own.

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